Category: Advice Column

A friend sent our group chat a photo of me walking my dog on an empty street last week. I was bothered because he didn’t say hello, and also I felt weird that my photo was taken without me knowing. I know it was meant to be funny, but I’m feeling bothered by it. Am I overreacting?

Taking and sharing photos without consent is something some (mostly younger) people do as a “joke”.
Smartphones and apps like Snapchat have desensitised young people to having their picture taken and shared to the point where consent is often taken for granted.
Your friend probably didn’t give this much thought, but that doesn’t mean you’re overreacting.
There are many reasons why you might feel uncomfortable or creeped out about having a photo taken without your knowledge: e.g. experiences of stalking, street harassment or bullying.

Maybe you just feel uncomfortable being watched without your knowledge – that’s valid too. You have a right to ask that your friends don’t take photos without your consent, no matter your reason.
I think it’s also reasonable to feel bothered that your friend didn’t say hello. In this period of lockdown and social isolation many of us are feeling loneliness and looking for connection. It might be different if your friend was rushing off somewhere and didn’t have time to stop, or even if he wasn’t in the mood to get into a conversation that day. But he stopped and took a photo, which suggests he had the time and headspace to engage with you but chose not to.

I would broach the subject with your friend gently – acknowledging that he probably didn’t mean anything by it, but sharing how it made you feel and why you ask that it not happen again.

By SD

By SP

My housemate is concerned about the environment, which is great, but she doesn’t flush the toilet after peeing. We shouldn’t waste water, but I hate the smell of pee and sometimes I’m embarrassed if we have guests over. What can I do?’

Go to Bunnings and pick up a handful of paint swatches ranging from Lemonade to Burnt Orange. From there you two can establish which level of hydration falls into the ‘acceptable zone’. Display the swatches above the toilet and anything that falls outside the acceptable zone gets flushed. Compromise!

Kidding. There’s a really simple answer here: get an essential oil diffuser. Or an air freshener, toilet deodorizer, whatever! A quick Google search says a bowl of baking soda near the toilet will soak up the smell.

Flushing pee everytime is wasteful. Feel free to flush your own, but unless your housemate’s pee is so pungent you can still smell it under an oil diffuser I don’t think you’ve got a leg to stand on.