Author: thecoburgmeddler

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Short Story

LOCAL SHORT STORY : WALT DISNEY BEGAN TO FEEL

LOCAL SHORT STORY 

THE BOARD (OF CIVILIANS, SCIENTISTS AND ASTRONAUTS)

“It’s been a long two-month process of deliberation to determine what makes it onto the final fleet, but we have one more thing to discuss: the cryogenic population.” The chairperson glanced up from the agenda. 

Multiple sighs and “oh gods” were muttered. People stood up, looking to leave.

“Now, now — this shouldn’t take long; it’s really not that complicated. We don’t have enough fuel to support 900 cryopreserved at -193deg. Cel. For 20 years – can we confirm this, engineers?”

“Absolutely!”

“…however” broke in an a cautious voice from the back “there may be issues with certain relatives suing us for breaking contractual arrangements. I note that Walt Disney is to be kept alive for another year, until his family renews his contract…”

“Why can’t we defrost them now? See what happens!” an astronaut yelled. 

An uncomfortable silence fills the room

The chairperson cleared their throat. “Cryonics is still at the stage it was 20 years ago when all scientists were ordered to prioritise the climate crisis. Basically, we don’t have the technology to safely defrost them.” 

“Well, they’ll definitely die if we leave them” mused a civilian. 

“We can’t risk the litigation” a lawyer interjects “and also, can we please just leave?”

The coalition of scientists, citizens, engineers, lawyers and astronauts all nodded in agreement, each taking time to dutifully sign the slip of paper going around. The last person to sign the paper stood up with gravitas. She placed the paper in the chute next to the door, sealing the fate of 900 cryopreserved.

WALT DISNEY BEGAN TO FEEL

Walt Disney began to feel. The feelings were indistinct. A cacophony of noise overwhelmed him. Internal screams competed for space with, unbeknownst to him, the sound of the final fleet of Earthlings launching through the troposphere. He is biting into an apple. Fear began to overwhelm him. He felt his body thrust about by an indiscernible force. He is swinging his keys confidently.  Something that sounded like delicate glass fracturing came from very close to his ears. He strains his eyelids, but only one cleaves open. Intense light floods his vision. He forced himself to look around the environment with his one eye. 

FINAL FLEET WEEKLY – Issue 1

THERE ARE THOSE WHO DIDN’T MAKE IT

We pay our respects to those of our mission who didn’t make it through Day 1. The memorial was a touching celebration of the final fleeters lives and contributions on Earth. 

Most curious was the loss of Xander Dentist, who — much to his family and friends’ despair — flung himself out of the airlock on the east wing upon exiting the Earth’s atmosphere. He was a popular human, and a valued member on the Board of Citizens, Scientists and Astronauts. 

More curious still is that upon reviewing the footage, it appears that Xander executed a perfect reverse four and a half somersault in the pike position. 

Our condolences to all who have lost a loved one in this tumultuous time in human history. 

THE RESCUE

Xander Dentist was plummeting toward the ocean, calmly running through his list of immediate tasks: 

1. Locate communications device at 43°03’57.4”S, 149°23’55.1”E. 

2. Send urgent request for medical vessels to be sent to location

3. Locate and bundle the cryopreserved 

4. Send apology transmission to the humans and an assurance of my safety and love. 

5. Shed shell 

By Elena S, Coburg

Categories
General News

A TRIP TO THE NEW AUSTRALIAN FLAG GALLERY

We made the journey to the New Australian Flag gallery one unassuming Thursday afternoon. The gallery can be found on the corner of Barrow and Walsh St, abruptly ending the string of houses along the street. The flagpole that is mounted on the roof offers an example of a ‘new Australian flag’ and is immediately conspicuous when approaching the gallery. After pausing to appreciate the display of various sculptures and flags in the gallery’s shopfront, we followed directions to a door along the side of the building. We needed to firmly knock a few times to get the attention of Arthur (artist-in-residence in the full sense of the phrase); he was busy composing music inside. Arthur welcomed us in, flicking various light switches on around the room. Virtually every available wall-space was covered with art. Large colourful sculptures crowded the area. We were drawn immediately to a transparent humanoid effigy with printed words plastered to the inside of the cranium. A plasma globe pulsated away at the centre of the head. 

Arthur has also made an isomorphic keyboard which, he says, makes playing chords easier, particularly if you haven’t learnt traditional music theory. This is because the intervals are regular and the same for every chord so you don’t actually need to learn the notes.

Arthur then showed us a synthesizer program that he created with the aid of a programmer and which takes the form of a touchscreen keyboard. It contains four rows of keyboard notes – this facilitates hand movement in any direction

He shows us several different keyboards, the eeriest of which is a quarter tone keyboard  (the keys are so slim that it takes a concentrated effort to hit the right one — Arthur says he’s working on this). This keyboard produces sounds reminiscent of a horror-movie soundtrack, the quarter tones warping into each other in our ears. He shows us his diagrams for the keyboard restructure that are plotted in black and white paint on a clear plastic overlay. 

Arthur questions the overly complex nature of traditional theory, in both his music and his visual art. His interest in making a new Australian flag, he says, revolves around doing what makes sense. He refers to the Australian government’s passing of the The Australia Act 1986. This Act marked two significant developments; the High Court of Australia became the highest court of appeal, and the UK could no longer legislate for Australia. Whilst the UK had not been legislating here for decades, and the ability to appeal to the UK Privy Court had been limited since 1975, many see 1986 as the moment where, as previous Chief Justice of the High Court Anthony Mason put it, Australia became ‘masters of our own legal destiny’. Arthur’s new Australian flag designs commonly remove the Union Jack and draws inspiration from the Aboriginal flag. 

New Australian Flag:
78 Barrow St, Coburg VIC 3058

Categories
Go See Your Doctor, But...

GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR, BUT….

Coburg-living doctor answering your questions and giving unsolicited advice

I have two pieces of advice and it’s inspired by common questions and oversights I see all the time:

Yes, you can mix panadol and ibuprofen!

And please — Moisterise your feet if they’re dry! Cracks on the skin can lead to an infection. This can be a big problem if you have diabetes!

— Dr E Bop

Categories
General News

NEW YEARS CELEBRATIONS

On New Year’s Eve a communiy football (AKA soccer) game kicked off just before midnight in Fleming Park. A number of local residents came down to kick a fluro orange ball in semi-darkness. Though there was lighting strung from trees, locals still collided at a faster than usual rate. The game was rudely interrupted by someone in the city letting off fireworks, and the players begrudgingly stopped to watch. Attendence wasn’t limited to locals, with people coming from Keilor and Doncaster to join in. Many felt enlivened by the game. Local resident, Gary, said that the event inspired him to be more positive.

Categories
Short Story

SHORT STORY:

SCOTCH FINGER BUSINESS

“It’s been two weeks since this scotch finger fiasco started, and I’ve spent the entire time trying to clear my name. I’ve brought you all here tonight — yes, I know you’re all anxious to get home — to finally put an end to this.

Can I just firstly say that the underhanded tactics used by Library Management to trap me at the last staff meeting – where we first learned of this scotch finger business – were atrocious; I feel vilified. Yes, I did stick to the scotch fingers when presented with the family assorted, but we were having coffee. Coffee!”

“It’s not conclusive, but you ate them all very quickly!” came an indignant outburst from the back.

“Unless that’s a formal accusation, let me finish! Now, we’re jumping ahead — I’m aware that some of you are just back from leave. For context, two weeks ago there was an event held here at the library; the launch of Lenny Lamington’s latest mystery — sidenote: magnifique. As you’re all aware, the two-biscuit snack packs out the back are individually distributed to attendees and are not meant to be eaten by staff members. And I’m a major proponent of this rule; the attendees love these biscuits — most ask for a second packet!

The staff at that time – myself included – noticed that some packets had been opened, and the scotch fingers gone, leaving a single biscuit remaining. Curiously, it’s always the scotch finger; the other biscuit is left untouched! Since the event, it was clear this biscuit-transgression was not a one-off; it was happening with alarming frequency! We of course went straight to Management, who then set up that fateful staff meeting where my name was sullied. None of you have looked at me the same way since. I’ve heard whispers: ‘bikkie-pincher’, ‘finger-binger’ and ‘Tony Mok-biscuit’.”

“You’ve absolutely lost it! –”

“– I know what I heard! Where was I? Oh, yes: you all think it was me, but my hands are clean! I instead ask you all to look at the grubby hands of our common enemy…

I suspected a rat when I noticed the characteristic way the packets were being broken into; always leaving an uneven, jagged edge. My suspicions were confirmed upon reading the report I commissioned from the EPA’s rodent expert. And I quote: ‘two weeks ago, major tunneling works in the vicinity of the building in question, disrupted and agitated local rat populations’. Further down in the report: ‘Rats are well-known habitualists; despite other options, they will return to specific food they have deemed safe’. Friends, colleagues — the EPA has been inundated with rat-related complaints.

So, I ask you to consider this evidence. Yes, I have a penchant for scotch fingers, but only because they’re the best out of a bad bunch.

And in any case, if it wasn’t the rats, it would probably be Amanda; I think I noticed some crumbs when I was looking inside her backpack.
I rest my case.”

–ES, Coburg

Story inspired by the librarian at Coburg Library – thank you!

Please send in a short story for next edition (500 words or less):
thecoburgmeddler@gmail.com

Categories
Flavours of Coburg

FLAVOURS OF COBURG

Afghan Charcoal Kebab

By Henry Gardner

If you are fortunate to visit the unassuming Afghan Charcoal Kebab (Sydney Road, Coburg), you will be offered carefully prepared local and traditional meals that will delight and surprise. The décor resembles a homely pizza and kebab place, but do not let appearances deceive; traditional Afghani naan bread is woodfire baked in a tandoor oven and the house speciality, carefully marinated kebab is carefully grilled over lightly smoked coals in order to achieve maximum flavour.

What is to be loved about Afghan Charcoal Kebab is that it embodies the Coburg of the present moment – at once local and understated, yet vibrant with difference and a piquant sense of what it means to be at home here. This small restaurant is at once its own little cosmos – voices in hushed tones, English, Arabic, Hindi and Pashto fill in the background of the cosy eating space. Grilled kebabs are the mainstays of the menu and can be accompanied with rice, dips and salad ($12 for 2 skewers, $15 for 3) or alternatively sandwiched by freshly baked bread ($11). The salads are perhaps better conceived of as a garnish yet are more than made up for by the dips, of which each customer can choose two from a wide range. Given that pricing is more than reasonable even by local standards, a wallet could easily be stretched to cover a spread of dips, rice, fresh breads grilled meat, rice and drink for well under $20. The biryani and qorma rices ($12) are also a particular favourite with the locals and are recommended to complement the meal when served with grilled kebab ($15).

Perhaps given the number of excellent pizza and falafel options available locally this viewer would recommend sticking to the mixed grill options on Afghan Charcoal Kebab’s menu, but if looking for a strictly vegetarian or vegan option, homely specialities like the lentil, bean and home-style soups are heartily recommended and also served with too-generous portions of freshly baked bread. If strictly on a budget there is a popular falafel ($5) or doner kebab ($7) special, however if budget or taste permit there is advantage to the culinary adventurous, with great value in the soups and mixed-rice dishes.

Sitting in Afghan Charcoal Kebab eating traditional specialities watching the steady yet eager parade of customers anticipating then enjoying their carefully created meals, one begins to wonder if this cafe has already woven into the memories of the latest waves of migration to the northern suburbs of Melbourne. We can imagine that in the future, second and third generation migrant families will nostalgically reflect on this simple place where the staff behind the counter wore bright blue hairnets and afghan bread was served alongside pizza, yet amidst the smoke of grilled kebab and the chatter of diverse locals, they felt, with their weary yet proud parents, that they were once again at home.

Afghan Charcoal Kebab
7/457 Sydney Rd, Coburg
(03) 9354 2425

Categories
Mall-Contents

MALL-CONTENTS

Local shopkeepers share their insights

LeeAnn

This is going into the 6th year we’ve had this shop (Pictures & Pages) — myself and Sharon. We both live in the area and our kids attend the schools here. We met as primary school parents; our kids started prep together and we were both looking for something to do. Sharon suggested this, and I said ‘I’m in’. I’ve lived in Coburg for maybe 30 years; I’d say that the demographic has changed, but really it just has peaks of young children and then old, and then it starts over again — it hasn’t changed for a long time.

There are often lots of plans for changes in the area, and then those plans often fall to the wayside. I think once the train goes up the flow on effect will come across here; they’ll develop the carpark and there will be more shops. I like the plans for the train. I look at it like: it’s going to go up, it’s not just the cheaper option, but I think underneath the ground — without being an expert — there’s a lot of infrastructure under there; once you start touching it all, you don’t know what might happen. I think the simple solution is to put it up. We just need more shops around here that are beneficial to everyone. There were a lot more fashion shops here, a lot of those have moved on, so it’d be good to have a variety for shoppers so they stick to shopping strips around here and don’t go elsewhere. More clothing stores, and in particular shoes; we’ve gone from three shoe shops to one.

Jin

About 13 or 14 years ago I started this store (Fairprice). I chose Coburg because it’s close to the city and because there are both young and old people, which is good for business. It’s hard to say what has changed in Coburg because when I’m here I’m always inside working, but I have noticed it’s become cleaner and more organised since I started working here.

I’ve also noticed it’s become more accessible for disabled people; it’s much easier for customers to access the shops now. I’ve also noticed that the customers are getting a little bit older. Coburg is a good area; it’s an area that is full of energy. Normal people can do lots of things here. But the prices are getting higher. It would be good to get younger people in the area, and for there to be more local businesses and it would be good for local businesses to grow and to have increased foot traffic.

Categories
You CAN Handle the Truth

You CAN Handle the Truth

An easy-to-understand explanation of specific law-related issues.

DISCLAIMER: This information does not constitute legal advice; don’t get your legal advice from a newsletter, only get legal advice from a practising lawyer!

Image: This is what the top of an NTV looks like

Eviction and The Notice to Vacate (‘NTV’)

The way the NTV is currently written is misleading and encourages tenants think they legally need to be out of their property by the date listed in the NTV. But this isn’t the case! The NTV is more like a request by the landlord to leave that can later be made enforceable by VCAT. The NTV is the first step in the eviction process; not the last; and there are often options available for renters to avoid eviction after being served an NTV.

Thankfully the NTV form is being updated to be less misleading, but until this happens it’s important to understand the current NTV.

There are a number of reasons why landlords decide to evict tenants. In Victoria, if a landlord decides to evict a tenant, they MUST give the tenant a Notice to Vacate (unless the tenant agrees to ending the tenancy agreement, or the tenant abandons the property). This applies whether you’re living in a private rental, rooming house, public housing or community housing.

On top of this, the landlord MUST include a proper and detailed reason for the NTV. Landlords can’t simply cite a section of the Residential Tenancies Act 1997 as their reason for serving the NTV. They must also provide evidence to support their claim.

The NTV must also be ‘served’ (given to you) in the proper way. It can’t be just left in your letterbox or placed under your door. It must be given to you in person, sent in registered mail, or (only if you agree to it first) via email.

If you receive an NTV make sure you contact your local Community Legal Centre or Tenants Victoria for legal advice. Don’t just ignore it!

The Termination Date


The section of the NTV where the landlord gives a date when they require the tenant to vacate the property is not necessarily the date that you are required to leave. The NTV is only the first step the landlord needs to take if they want to evict the tenant.

Usually the landlord will wait until the termination date of the NTV before they make an application to VCAT for possession of the property or the room (known as a ‘possession order’) however, they are allowed to apply to VCAT for a possession order straight after they serve the NTV. VCAT will ordinarily hear the application within 14 days of the application being made, and a possession order will be made within 7 days of the hearing. The possession order will give you a new date when you are required to vacate, and it will be no more than 30 days after the order is made. It is important to note that VCAT will always list the matter for the first hearing after the termination date listed in the NTV.

If a possession order has been made by VCAT in favour of the landlord, the landlord may then apply to ‘purchase’ a warrant of possession from VCAT. If this step is successful, the warrant of possession is given to the local police station, which is then executed by the police. The police usually (but are not legally required to) give the tenant notice about when they plan to execute the warrant.

So, if you’ve been given an NTV make a note about how and when it was given to you and then contact a CLC or Tenants Victoria for free legal advice about what you can do.

USEFUL CONTACT INFORMATION:
Tenants Victoria: (03) 9416 2577
Darebin Community Legal Centre: (03) 9484 7753
If you’re at risk of homelessness, contact Justice Connect Homeless Law: (03) 8636 4408

Categories
History

REMEMBERING THE COBURG COURIER (1935-1995)


Wednesday 27 November 1935 marked the day that the first issue of The Coburg Courier was delivered into local mailboxes, free of charge. Coburgians were met with front-page news of: Wheeler & Woolsey performing their comedy “nit-wits”; a story of thieves bursting into a tailor’s shop front window (today, the Coburg Salvos) and escaping on a motorbike with two suits in tow; and news of larrikins on Sydney Road drinking beer and breaking into a car. The creators carved out a section on page two, headed ‘We Make Our Bow’ where they announced that they had accepted the invitation (from ‘some leading businessmen’) to ‘give Coburg a good newspaper service’.

The new publishers already had 10 years of experience in publishing newspapers under their belt, having conducted three newspapers in Kew, Hawthorn and North Camberwell. Coburg’s mayor at the time, N L Martin, endorsed the paper with his good wishes, quoting Marcus Terentius Varro, an ancient roman writer: “nature gave the fields, and human art built the cities”. In an homage to newspapers that could massage a heartbeat from the Murdoch empire, Martin went on to say: “included in the category of human art is undoubtedly the production and publishing of an up-to-date newspaper”.

Whilst the advert-heavy Coburg Courier might have fallen short of classifying as a work of art, the first issue delivered some memorable local opinions. One local describes the “unusual spectacle each evening where the bicycle brigade takes the road” on Sydney Road. These “sons of toil”, she writes, are providing themselves with “exercise and fresh air” which must be a relief from the “vitiated atmosphere of the workshop and factory”. She wishes “good luck” to the youthful “Oppermans” (a reference to a famous Australian cyclist) and thanks them for contributing to the cycle manufacturing industry. She would surely be disappointed to see the way that cyclists are treated on the roads — particularly on Sydney Road — almost 90 years later.

Categories
General News

LOCALS DEMAND DOUBLE TRACKS

There have been a number of pieces written about Upfield train line developments over the past few months. This is an attempt to highlight the main issues affecting locals in Coburg.

Train frequency has been a long running issue for Upfield commuters. There are currently only three trains per hour during peak hour, while other lines such as Sandringham run up to eight.

Better frequency is not an option until the track is duplicated all the way to Upfield, as only one train can run on the track at any one time. This results in excessively long wait times, particularly for those who live or travel north of Coburg. Local community member and councillor Sue Bolton has been advocating for track duplication for some time, saying that she knows of people who have lost jobs or missed exams and medical appointments due to the single track. “Once a train is running late, it terminates at Coburg, leading to a cancellation for everyone north of Bell St” she says.
There is no plan within the Upfield line developments to duplicate the single track which runs from Gowrie to Upfield stations and causes a bottleneck on the Northern part of the line (see: diagram above), though there has been a long-lasting campaign for track duplication.

The government has claimed that until the Metro tunnel is completed in 2025, frequency on the Upfield Line is still constrained by congestion in the city loop (the track also being shared by the Sunbury and Craigieburn lines).

If higher frequency for the remainder of the line is in fact dependent on the Metro tunnel, it seems that now would be the perfect time to build that infrastructure. Upfield line closures are imminent and works are predicted to go on for three months.

The Upfield Transport Alliance points out that “public inconvenience is not included in cost benefit” and states that “if works can be done concurrently, it is a major saving for the community”. In light of this, it hardly makes sense to close the line twice in five years for major works.

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